The other day I was cruising the web taking a look at some of my favorite websites when I came across a list compiled by UGO called The Top 50 Weapons in Video Games. I love lists (I’m sure you can tell from my articles) so I decided to read it and I was appalled at how horrible the list is. It was very unoriginal. The list was basically gun after gun after gun after gun. It also lacked knowledge of the video game world because probably 40 out of 50 of the weapons came from shooting games. There are other games with weapons. I decided to compile my own list, although like my list on Video Game villains I decided to be more original and the first way to make it an original list is to not include any guns at all.
25. Mind (Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?)
The mind is the greatest weapon of all. If you’re smart and know your facts about the world, country, time (or whatever version you’re playing) then Carmen San Diego will be behind bars in no time.
24. Chair (Any wrestling game)
Over the years wrestling games have added more and more weapons to use. There are tables, ladders, barbed wire 4×4 and many others. But there is still nothing better than hitting your opponent upside the head with a steel chair.
23. Vegetables (Super Mario Brothers 2)
I loved Super Mario Brothers 2 more than most people but even I wonder what in the world the creators were smoking when they made it. You pull vegetables out of the ground and them throw them at people?
22. Toilet Paper (Conker’s Bad Fur Day)
You’re probably thinking, “toilet paper? Why would Conker use toilet paper to fight his opponent?” Well in Conker’s defense he was fighting the Great Mighty Poo so what better to defeat him with than toilet paper?
21. Whip (Castlevania)
There are several secondary weapons you could get in Castelvania and I like all of them (especially the axe) but ultimately the whip was the number one weapon in Castelvania.
20. Hurly Glove (Super Mario RPG)
Super Mario RPG might be the best Mario game of all-time. Mario uses himself as a weapon all the time when he hops on the heads of little creatures. So why should it be any different for Bowser. When Bowser uses the Hurly Glove he uses Mario as a weapon. Classic.
19. Hammers (Super Mario Brothers)
Who says that the top weapons in video games always have to belong to the heroes? The Hammer Brothers are possibly the coolest brothers in video game history.
18. Football (Mutant League Football)
In Mutant League Football there were a lot of trick plays you could use to try and destroy the other team. One play was the Bomb. No I mean it. The football was a bomb.
17. Masamune (Final Fantasy VII)
The Masamune was the weapon of choice for one of the greatest RPG villains, Sephiroth. Unfortunately you never get to use the Masamune yourself but Sephiroth does plenty of killing with it, including impaling Aeris.
16. Crossbow (Final Fantasy III)
In Final Fantasy III Edgar Figaro definitely had the best weapons to choose from. Really I like Edgar’s chainsaw the best but let’s save that for another game. Instead I’ll go with Edgar’s crossbow.
15. Fist (Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out)
Including somebody’s fist is a dangerous thing because then you have to consider all characters that use their fist and that’s almost every character that fights. But no fist has ever done more damage than the one and only Mike Tyson.
14. Vacuum Cleaner (The Simpsons)
If there is one thing I love it is originality. I’d rather beat up people with Marge Simpson’s vacuum cleaner than the 500,000 different guns you can choose on a first person shooter any day.
13. Cannonball (Pirates!)
I might be cheating on this one because I guess a cannon is very similar to a gun. Oh well, it’s my list I’ll bend the rules if I want to.
12. Fireball (Super Mario Brothers)
Some people will say the fireball isn’t a weapon; it is a power up. Yeah, so? It’s fireballs and he throws them at enemies. How is that not a weapon?
11. Haduken (Street Fighter)
If the fire balls in Super Mario Brothers are included then the fireballs in Street Fighter have to be included too.
10. Blades of Chaos (God of War)
Kratos’ Blades of Chaos on God Of War is probably the closest thing we’ll ever see to swordchucks.
9. Ice Cream Truck (Sweet Tooth)
In the Twisted Metal series you use a lot of guns and bombs and missiles but you also use the vehicles themselves as much as anything. There are not many better ways to kill somebody than running them over with a ice cream truck.
8. Eggplant (Kid Icarus)
Again the greatest weapons don’t always belong to the heroes. The Eggplant wizard throws eggplants at people, which in turn transforms them into eggplants.
7. Lettuce (Burger Time)
In one of my favorite video games of all time, Burger Time, you can crush your enemies to death by dropping a slice of lettuce on top of them.
6. Phoenix Down (Final Fantasy III)
In the Final Fantasy series a Phoenix Down is an item used to bring one of your allies back to life. But there is a neat trick in Final Fantasy III where you if you use a healing item on an undead opponent it does the opposite of what it normally does. For example if a potion normally heals 300 hit points then it will take away 300 hit points on an undead enemy. Therefore using a phoenix down, which brings someone to life, on an undead enemy will actually kill it.
5. Boomerang (Legend of Zelda)
In the first Legend of Zelda game Link has a great collection of weapons but it was the first game that really ever used the boomerang. There are still only a few games that use it even now.
4. Buster Sword (Final Fantasy VII)
Easily the greatest sword in video game history is the Buster Sword belonging to Cloud in Final Fantasy VII. It’s easily the biggest too.
3. Chainsaw (Doom)
I hate Doom. I never understood all the love for Doom and I don’t care much for first person shooters in general. But even I loved running around hacking people with the chainsaw. I was actually disappointed whenever I would pick up ammo.
2. Spear (Mortal Kombat)
There is a reason they are called fighting games. There is a lot of fighting. For a long time fighting games were mostly people using their fists and feet but Scorpion’s spear was one of the first weapons that made it popular to give fighting game character weapons.
1. Bionic Arm (Bionic Commando)
Bionic Commando is one of the all-time classic games and even though other classics like Mario and Zelda are usually good, they’re also way over used. The bionic arm in Bionic Commando was also one of the most original weapons ever thought of. Not only was it the first time anybody ever used it but nobody has used it since.